Sooner or later you’ll get your second win
The winners of my 100th comment contest have been notified with the following e-mail:
You know how every year you enter the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes by subscribing to a bunch of magazines that you’ve never even heard of such as “Divorcee, eh? The Publication for, by and aboot Separated Female Canadians” and “White Flour: Aryans Cooking for a Cause” because you think it’ll increase your chances of Ed McMahon and the Prize Patrol showing up at your doorstep with a check for $5 million, even though you’re not even really sure whether or not Ed McMahon is still alive and sometimes you have nightmares about him sitting quietly in a plush chair watching you sleep, so even if he came to your house it’s highly probable that you’d scream “H-e-e-e-e-re’s Johnny, motherfucker!” and then beat him to death with a bat you named Johnny that you keep in the foyer for exactly this kind of circumstance and then you’d know for sure he’s deceased but then it’d be unclear whether you still get to keep the jackpot because you killed the messenger (even though he totally had it coming for haunting your dreams)?
Yeah, me too.
Well, this is just like that. Sort of. Because you won my 100th comment contest, winners!
You might be wondering why there is more than one winner, because it would have been impossible for two people to both have posted the 100th comment. I’m actually wondering that, too, and already regretting making this happen. Technically, Elle left the 100th comment. However, I thought I should probably add up and then subtract the number of times I commented on my own blog, which then made Tonya triumphant. Then I became enraged and inconsolable, because nobody likes to make a “Sophie’s Choice.” Also, because I hate math, which is why I went into journalism in the first place and recently started writing on the interweb. But now the blog is making me do math, which ruins my whole philosophy on life, and it’s likely on my shoulders to crisscross the globe warning wannabe scribes and bloggers to rethink their career paths and hobbies because you can pun, but you can never hide from arithmetic. Even if you’re skilled enough to make a pun with the word “pun.” I know. Life *is* cruel.
As I was saying, I couldn’t decide which one of you to send to the gas chamber, so congrats, winners! I hope I haven’t made your dreams come true while simultaneously dashing them by informing you of the harsh realities of life and math. Because that would be just like Ed McMahon showing up unannounced with a multimillion-dollar check and leaving you no choice but to kill him. That would suck. Also, according to Wikipedia, Ed McMahon died last year. So if I’m the Ed McMahon in this scenario, this does not bode well. For me. I really should have planned this contest better. That’s probably apparent.
Anyway, winners, e-mail me some interesting tidbits about yourselves – TMI is appreciated and encouraged – so then I can choose a cheap proper reward to celebrate your commenting prowess.
Jessica, Isabel and Teva
P.S. Lisa gets an honorable mention for leaving three comments on the same post, which was clearly just an attempt to beat the system. Nice try, Lisa.