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Now you’re up to date about my date. Or possibly extremely confused.

June 4, 2010

Remember several posts ago when I ever so casually mentioned that I’d gone out on a first date?

And it was kind of like I was just leading you on, because then I never mentioned it again?

And then Kit left a comment imploring “Need date details later,” which prompted Alyxherself to second the motion with a “Yeeeeessss….deeeettaaaaaiiiilllllsssssss…”?

And I still stayed uncharacteristically mum – and also, I’m pretty sure that’s not how you spell “yes” or “details” – because it was way too soon to be writing about the date?

And maybe you’ve already forgotten about the date I never wrote about, because you cruise a lot of blogs  – and no, I’m not calling you a blog whore, per se, but you get around and everyone knows and the only person you’re fooling is yourself – and I shouldn’t be so self-absorbed as to assume that you’re eagerly anticipating updates on my oft-odd little life usually spent alone with my cats Teva and Isabel except for that one departure recently when I went on the date you may or may not have any recollection of?

And now I’m reminding you of the date – of which you may not even have any prior knowledge, because this is your first time at AWC and you’re not even sure what AWC is, and now you’re Googling that acronym in a separate tab, and you’re all, “Is she talking about Aviation Weather Center? Or the Association for Women in Communications? Or Arizona Western College? Or the Alabama Wrestling Club? Or Architectural Workers Combine? Or the American Whippet Club? Or Air War College?”

Question: Why does Ellen DeGeneres look much more vibrant in the photo on the right, even though they were taken more than 20 years apart? Hint: Starts with "vamp" and ends with "ire."

And now you’re completely distracted and not at all thinking about me and my date and my AWC and instead you’re wondering how wicked cool it would have been to go to college in the fucking air? And why’d your parents have to be so practical/sucky – practically sucky, let’s say – and insist that you attend a state school in rural Ohio, when you really wanted to study in Boston because this one time in 10th grade you took a history class field trip to New England and it seemed like an awesome place? But probably not as awesome as college in the air, but maybe you could have gotten your master’s later, except the university is actually “a military education system that develops leaders for the long war and beyond,” and you’re a lover not a fighter, so it probably wasn’t meant to be, and it’s just as well you went to Ohio University because you don’t have any school loans, which allows you to splurge on Evo, an organic, grain-free cat kibble, as well as Spot’s Stew, a nutritious wet food distributed by Halo, which is co-owned by Ellen DeGeneres, who owes you $60,000 and is probably a vampire because she keeps getting younger and hotter?

OK, well, I suppose we’re all on the same page again. And guess what? It’s still way too soon to talk about my date.

Except now there have been two dates.

And through some savvy sleuthing on the information superhighway, she fessed up to stumbling upon AWC. Although it’s within the realm of possibility that she actually was referring to the Atlanta Whitewater Club. Or American Wood Council. Or Aquatic Weed Control.

(Nevertheless … Hi, Katie! Very much looking forward to Sunday. For our third date.)

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45 Comments leave one →
  1. June 4, 2010 9:15 AM

    Ooooo! The 3rd date was always the “deal closer” for me. Unless it was the first date. It really depended on how much alcohol I had. So I suggest you try to get Katie drunk. Unless she’s reading this, in which case you should try to act like a lady, or she should, lesbians are so confusing.
    Also, is Katie with the NSA because I thought that unless you googled Teva and Isabel your blog didn’t come up? In which case maybe she’s just using you for your cats? Something to THINK ABOUT.

  2. June 4, 2010 10:23 AM

    I was feeling a bit like that Monty Python recurrance, “GET ON WITH IT!”

    But then I realized that it must have been a pretty decent (or horribly please-give-me-a-second-chance!) date that there’d be a follow-up.

  3. June 4, 2010 10:34 AM

    THIRD DATE!!! Such a fun time — any awkwardness there might have been is gone but everything is still new and exciting and tingly. Ahh … enjoy!!

  4. June 4, 2010 11:09 AM

    Wait, you’re dating an aviator? Who has a whippet? And you’re studying warfare by air???

    –>Lori once again waltzes klutzily into the confused category.

    Please send cookies.

  5. June 4, 2010 11:28 AM

    Sounds promising! Hope updates will be more forthcoming!! *grin*

  6. June 4, 2010 11:54 AM

    You are my blogging hero. Have fun on your third date, may it be full of datey fun!

  7. June 4, 2010 12:07 PM

    I’m guessing this all happened in the House that Jack Built. Yes?

  8. June 4, 2010 12:45 PM

    I have disturbing images of the Alabama Wrestling Club floating through my mind now, thanks. Fat old white guys with their KKK robes slip sliding all over the place. Ugh. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

    I was always horrible with dates. I preferred the get drunk & see where that takes us method of getting to know people. I guess it worked out o.k. I seldom had to worry about conversation topics or which one of us was going to make the first move, because sometimes when you’ve just slugged back 1/2 your body weight in discount booze it’s hard to hear anything [or remember what you’ve heard] or see clearly which of the group of people you ended up making out with. Until you either wander away after looking in vain for a bathroom and end up peeing in the bushes, or you wake up later in a smelly room and decide your best option is to cut and run once you’ve found your shoes and your cigarettes. Actually, you can walk home barefoot, but you need the smokes.

    God, I miss the old days.

  9. June 4, 2010 12:48 PM

    Also, good luck on your third date.

  10. Maggie_C permalink
    June 4, 2010 1:02 PM

    Third date!
    *confetti*

  11. June 4, 2010 1:56 PM

    So this is my first time here – over from someone’s #FF on Twitter but this rambling has me really intrigued as to how the date went. I’m a little bit of a Blog Whore but this I can certainly remember.

  12. June 4, 2010 2:49 PM

    I can’t believe you called me a blog whore.

    The Ellen conundrum is easily solved. It starts with “styl” and ends with “ist.”

    Also? Need hot dets on the date. Screw Katie. Set up another secret club blog.

    No, wait. Screw Katie and put the video on a new secret club blog.

    Sorry, Katie. *shameful head hang*

  13. June 4, 2010 3:07 PM

    Oh god, now you’ve mentioned your date and Katie on the blog and that’s a lot of pressure coming from the interweb! Plus there’s the added 3rd date pressure, which is always the “shave you legs, take a shower, floss, make all nooks and crannies smell nice, and try to hold down the liquor this time” date. But hey, just think, then there’s the relaxed “here is a long list of my neuroses, some emergency numbers in case I go insane, what? you didn’t actually think I was going to bathe or put on deodorant, did you?” 4th date. We will all be waiting patiently for the details of both 3rd and 4th dates. Also, Pictures are nice. We’ll even take illustrations. Wait. Not THAT kind. Get your head out of the gutter. Ok, that kind if you’d like. But really just think of it as bringing along 100 strangers — that shout ridiculous things at you and pretend to really know you — on your date too.

  14. June 4, 2010 7:33 PM

    not only do i know where OU is, i have attended the halloween party there. almost 30 years ago, when i wasn’t quite legal enough to drink, but as you know, that wasn’t an issue… oh, and i am an honest-to-freakin’-god graduate of AWC. wasn’t in the air. got carpal butt in the process, but it has moments of serious badassery. i think there were two…

  15. MirtoP permalink
    June 4, 2010 7:46 PM

    Please post a complete date itinerary ASAP. This will make it *much* easier for your friends – and Katie’s – to spy on you. We really had to go out of our way(s) to do so last time, and it was kind of annoying.

  16. June 4, 2010 8:14 PM

    SarahP is keeee-rect-amundo.

    Also I will be misspelling words with unaccountable regularity, as part of my “written in the vernacular” mode of communication.

    Furthermore…Hey! you gave me a shout out in your blog. My turn! Tune in to find that we’ll be discussing dating, over forty style. Hott!

  17. June 4, 2010 8:57 PM

    I hope you have many more dates and eventually they lead to hot wild monkey sex… or at least some aggressive under the sweater action.

  18. June 4, 2010 8:59 PM

    Called out on being a bit of a blog whore. But I came by once before, and you bet your third date knickers I’ll be back!
    Have fun!!

  19. Melanie permalink
    June 4, 2010 10:03 PM

    Does Katie know about your “I always make it to second base” T- shirt? Hmmm. No pressure for your third date, now that THE ENTIRE BLOGOSPHERE KNOWS.

  20. June 5, 2010 1:32 AM

    have an awkward desire to be all make-sure-she’s-good-enough!! on you. won’t. but i’m thinking it. oh, yes, i’m thinking it. also: mad impressive abbreviation google skillz. damn.

  21. June 5, 2010 1:42 AM

    Is it sad that out of all that the thing that stuck out to me the most is that we feed our cats the same food?

    P.S. Hi Katie.

  22. June 5, 2010 8:25 AM

    Lucky Katie

  23. sebastian melmoth permalink
    June 6, 2010 1:30 AM

    Is there even such thing as a “fourth date”? I mean, after 3d date it’s either “affair” or “she was crazy.”

    my wife grew up in Ohio and went to OU and knows how to spell “details” correctly.

    wait … are you my wife? if so, cut that dating out this instant!

  24. June 6, 2010 4:45 PM

    so will your site become datingwithcats? or girlfriendwithcats? katielikescats? katieatemycats? katieisrealiswearwithcats? (that last one is hard to decipher so i probably wouldn’t go with it)

    im just suggesting that you blog with integrity. gawd.

    ps. have fun! dont do anything that i would do. or have done. except what i did with my husband before he was my husband. because he is like the bees knees of wonderfulness. so do that stuff.

  25. June 6, 2010 9:56 PM

    It’s ok, you can call me a blog whore. I know what I am.

    And forget possibly confused because I am still stuck on air war college and totally not sure of what this post was supposed to be about.

    Dammit! Every damn time!

  26. Dizzy Goddesski permalink
    June 7, 2010 4:01 PM

    I never actually dated, really. I just got married a few times & had some affairs. So I’d say you are doing something closer to right than what I did. I sure hope Katie isn’t too intimidated by all of your readers & our suggestions. Especially those readers who have commented about your sexual drought. I don’t do that ever. Ok, only once or twice.
    You should totally have a wild & passionate affair, though.
    I mean, you are twitter-married. So it’s basically the same idea.

  27. redg_rl permalink
    June 7, 2010 8:15 PM

    ELLEN IS EVEN CONNECTED TO CAT FOOD?!?!

    should i even be supporting halo? advice appreciated.

  28. Danna permalink
    June 7, 2010 9:04 PM

    Ellen looks hotter and younger although she technically aged 20 years because in the photo on the left, her inner dialogue probably went something like this, “I’m such a geek, I hope no one notices. I hope no one is noticing that my shirt is four sizes too big and that I indiscriminately purchased it at T.J. Maxx.” Whereas in the 20 yrs. later photo, her body language is reading, “I’m sexy and geeky and people love me for it. I’m funny and a rockstar and I’m rich enough to hire a personal shopper.”

    • The Bad Lady permalink
      June 10, 2010 12:53 AM

      Bwahaha! Danna, that’s hilarious.

  29. June 7, 2010 11:39 PM

    Hi, my name is Megan, and I’m a blog whore.

    And now I’ve accepted it, and that’s at least 90% of the solution. So I think that’s probably all I have to do.

    Also, the little comment convo with “lucky katie” and your response of “lucky me” made my heart melt, as that’s adorable.

    And Seriously – I think you’ve stumbled onto something about Ellen.

    If you site mysteriously goes down, we’ll know you’ve been found out.

  30. June 8, 2010 1:12 AM

    You better spill it RIGHT NOW. Or I don’t know what I’ll do. Send the ghost camera maybe to mess you up. I need date details. I’m married now. Again. And it’s great, but dating is fun and dangerous and that’s my style.

  31. June 8, 2010 9:35 AM

    I’m *flattered* that you called me a blog whore. I may even put it in my profile description.

    Also good luck on your 3rd date. I’m not sure what that will or will not involve because I’ve never been on a 3rd date. In fact, I don’t think Britain has got the whole concept of dating. But we’ve got that whole shagging thing sussed. Along with teen pregnancy.

    So… anyway, I hope it goes well and you’re not feeling the pressure from your fellow blog whores.

  32. June 8, 2010 1:12 PM

    p.s.~ It’s not real without a photo.

    I want a photo.

    I’m a visual reader.

  33. June 9, 2010 1:46 AM

    Yay you (and Katie)!

  34. June 9, 2010 2:02 PM

    You say ‘blog whore’ like that’s a bad thing.

    Ok, well it’s the only ‘gettin’ around’ I’m getting so I’ll take it!

    What is the plan for date three? Bungee jumping? Dinner and dancing? Inquiring minds want to know! Have fun!

  35. June 9, 2010 2:13 PM

    easily distracted. understatement. however, we will not remain fooled for long! (I can hear the chants starting now… ‘spill! spill! spill!). also jumping in on the ‘hope your third date goes well’ bandwagon!

  36. June 9, 2010 4:35 PM

    I would say “I hope it goes well!”

    But i’m consumed with a need to destroy her.

    Mostly kidding and mostly harmless,

    your texan morsel

  37. June 11, 2010 11:33 PM

    Virginia sounds like a blast. I hope you have a great time recharging! 😀

  38. June 15, 2010 11:31 AM

    You’re such a tease. I hope you had a wonderful 3rd (and possibly more dates) before you left on vacation. Can’t wait to hear more about Katie and about your adventures in traveling.

  39. June 15, 2010 8:46 PM

    That’s fantastic about your second date and plans for a third. But I’ve still totally noted that you’ve called me a whore, and the next time I come home from a weekend in Wisconsin with my family eating fried foods and my cats (well, I KNOW that it’s the fat black one named Gerund who is ultimately responsible) have vomited all over my apartment, I’m going to find some way to blame YOU. Just sayin’.

  40. August 14, 2010 7:40 AM

    Go Cats! (Teva, Isabel and Bob Cats)…the rural southern Ohio education is apparent in your great writing style.

    Best,
    CG

    Product of the same rural southern Ohio school – and proud. Meh, Boston…

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