There was a retriever named Vincent but an alarming absence of felines on “Lost.” I’m not saying JJ Abrams is a cat hater, but I’m not saying he isn’t one, either.
Happy new year, kittens!
I know 2011 started nine days ago, but let’s just pretend that I’m not a terrible blogger who goes away for the holidays and then comes home and starts watching the final season of “Lost” eight months late because I work nights and don’t have Tivo and after waiting out the longest “long wait” ever on Netflix becomes totally absorbed and unhealthily invested in fictional characters trapped on a magical island in the South Pacific. That show really makes me wish I were a bald victim of a plane crash who becomes marooned on a beach and then miraculously no longer needs a wheelchair. Except I’m not currently a paraplegic and I have a full head of hair, so I suppose the show more accurately makes me wish I were follicly challenged and shoved out of a window by my father whom I gave a kidney to and then I plummeted from a plane onto an island inhabited by hostiles and *then* I regained use of my legs. Locke‘s a lucky man.
Also, that’s what I’ve decided to call you guys – kittens. It might get confusing when I’m talking about actual kittens, though. Which I do *a lot*.
When I add a new member to my family, I’d be like, “Are you friendly, kitten?” And you’d be all, “I am, Alone … with cats.” And I’d be like, “Umm, I am Alone … with cats.” So you’d say, “I meant that I’m friendly.” And I’d be all, “My kitten’s friendly.” You’d be like, “That’s what I said. I’m friendly.” So I’d coo, “Who’s my friendly kitten? You are. You are.” And you’d be all, “I know I am, Alone … with cats.” And I’d respond, “I am Alone … with cats.” And you’d be all, “But I’m your friendly kitten.” And I’d remark, “Friendly kitten, yes you are.” You’d say, “I GET IT. I AM YOUR DAMN FRIENDLY KITTEN.” And I’d be like, “Well, this is awkward. I was talking about my kitten, Friendly, who was named after Mr. Friendly, the gay Other on ‘Lost.’ ” And you’d be all, “Aww, what a boon.” And I’d be like, “Boone wasn’t an Other. His name’s on the Oceanic 815 manifest. Don’t be ridiculous.”
I suspect this is a terrible idea, kittens. But you know what’s never a terrible idea? Kittens.
P.S. This post won’t make sense if you’re not a fan of “Lost.”
P.P.S. This post still might not make sense even if you are a fan of “Lost.”
P.P.P.P.S. I’m not sure I understand this post. (That seems to be a theme when I write about “Lost.”)
P.P.P.P.P.S. I don’t know how it’s possible that I never watched this YouTube video until today, which I found while researching the injustice of why cats were so underrepresented on “Lost.” Yeah. Research. Because someone has to.