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By not being on Facebook, I’m robbing past and future exes of the satisfaction of defriending me

March 14, 2011

I’ve been dumped in an email, and now I’m dishing it on my blog. When I publish this draft, I’ll log in to Twitter to broadcast my new post. And maybe someone will retweet it, or even put this as a Facebook status. Then others might “like” it. Or “wink” at it. Or “molest” it. Or whatever users of the site that I refuse to join do. At any rate, this must be proof that social media is fostering relationships and bringing us all closer together.

The soundtrack to all my breakups has been Lucinda Williams‘ raw, heartbreaky twang, so at the last minute, I bought a ticket to her concert at the House of Blues in Boston the other night. A sweaty middle-aged couple, both at least 100 pounds overweight, were dancing to my left for the duration. If you call that dancing. It was frenetic — jumping, gyrating and jiggling with no reverence for the beat. His hands were up her blouse for the whole show; hers were clenching his butt cheeks. Neither was fazed by their lewd public spectacle. My first thought was how lucky they are to have each other. They appeared to be a perfect pairing. If those two spazzes can find love, there’s hope for us all. My second thought was that they probably have really jerky sex. But I have been thinking a lot lately about jerks.

Lindsay and I connected through this blog. Despite the distance between us, the spark was immediate. We met for the first time in December, and she seemed too good to be true. In the end, she was. Over the course of the past five months, she emailed me every morning and I wrote back every night, so we’d both always start our days with notes from the other. I woke up two weeks ago to an email uninviting me to Toronto because we’re over. You think you know an anonymous person from the internet.

I’m not sure when it became acceptable to dump someone you’re sleeping with in an email, but it has happened to me twice in the past year. You could say I’ve developed a bit of a complex about it. These days, when I log into my account, my blood pressure skyrockets as I hold my breath and peer through one eye at my inbox, fearing yet another electronic ending. I’ll probably withhold my email address in future trysts to challenge wannabe exes to find more creative ways to jump ship. At any rate, this seems to explain why Teva and Isabel, who have been historically slow adopters of new technology, have stuck by me for almost eight years. That, or Stockholm syndrome.

When Lindsay was last in Boston, we said “I love you” for the first time. One of us meant it. Everything seemed to be going better than I could have hoped for or imagined. It’s hard to fathom how the woman who twice boarded an international flight to be with me, who mailed a present to my cats, who always pleaded for 10 more minutes to cuddle couldn’t be bothered to give me the courtesy of a phone call. How the woman who talks, writes and advises about the power of positive thinking, giving what you get and opening your heart closed herself off so cruelly and coldly. How the woman who tried to reimburse me when my glasses toppled off the bed and snapped in half never offered to cover the cost of my canceled plane ticket to Canada.

This is how my heart feels — strong, sturdy and shiny, just like the floor.

Email has many uses. Corporate correspondence. Getting back in touch with a long-lost friend. Telling your mother to stop gchatting you at work. And, apparently, fucking over the person you’re fucking.

And she still hasn’t called. Not once. And I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive her for that.

My ex ought to start an Etsy shop. I'd pay good money for these. If she hadn't already given them to me for free. Sucker.

Aside from writing about the split in somewhat vague terms here, which I have to do to maintain some semblance of sanity, I took the high road. I wished her well. I told her to take care. It’s the only road I’ve ever known. The high road is poorly named, though, because I feel undeniably low. And no one’s slipped me any drugs. And I can’t stop humming Whitesnake. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone … with cats.

I haven’t even had any booze. I’ve been thinking about drinking but can’t seem to muster the energy. Instead, I’ve just been pondering the irony of recently being gifted pint glasses that feature images of Teva and Isabel and the name of the blog I write about my single life, hand-painted by my artsy ex-girlfriend Vicky. Cheers.

I am, however, drunk on disappointment in humanity. The internet and social media have turned our massive planet into a small world. After all, the web not only facilitated my falling for a girl hundreds of miles away, but its efficiency, ease of use and speed made her feel closer than she actually was. But that false reality comes at a cost. As plugged in as we all have become, it is now easier than ever to sign off on our relationships, with as little as a text, tweet or IM. Breaking up just isn’t that hard to do anymore.

Our brave new world is cultivating a culture of convenience — and cowardice. We’re so tapped into the internet that we’ve lost sight of the series of tubes that runs through our bodies and makes us warm to the touch. “Touch” is just the name of our iPods now. We write on “walls” instead of knocking them down. We “friend” and “follow” instead of fraternize. We email instead of call.

In other words, we “like” instead of love.

P.S. Please keep the trash-talking about Lindsay to a minimum in the comments section. But you are more than welcome to send me that shit directly.

P.P.S. After my mom highly praised my dirty valentines as “not as bad as I thought they’d be,” she inspired me to start selling the original three, as well as five new designs. If you hate pussy jokes, then you’ll love to hate my Zazzle shop.

P.P.P.S. In the wake of my broken ass, which makes it incredibly painful to sit at the computer, and my broken heart, which makes it nearly impossible to stop stuffing ice cream into my mouth, I’ll probably be stepping away from this site for a while. It’ll be like all the other times when I’m a shitty blogger and don’t post for a really long time, just more official. Thank you for bearing with me. Or catting with me. Caring, let’s say.

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101 Comments leave one →
  1. March 14, 2011 5:39 AM

    Ah shit! So so sorry that this has happened to you.

    Trust me that not having a FB account is a good thing. After 11 years my relationship as come to an end. I am the one that has initiated the break-up (for many reasons) but still, it is hard. Instead of letting us deal with it one step at a time and talk through it, my (now ex) partner decided to post about it on FB to all our mutual friends. Great altogether.

    Anyway, lots of hugs to you! Whenever you are back blogging, all the avid fans are still here. 🙂

  2. tershbango permalink
    March 14, 2011 5:54 AM

    I’m so sorry. 😦

    If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been dumped via text. And also, via bed (long story)…

    Sending hugs and thoughts of booze and chocolate your way…xo!

  3. March 14, 2011 6:34 AM

    Damn, that is harsh. I am so sorry and the blogging world will certainly miss you. I agree with your thoughts about people’s worlds shrinking. As you know it is super easy to write it down but to say it out loud, or better yet to someone’s face, what a novel concept.

    In writing emails I found out the hardway, the tone you send or intent you “had” is not up to you, it is up to the receiver, despite your “best intent.” or efforts. Though I’m never sure of a best intent in dumping someone gmail style. That is just down right cold and imature. What is this middle scholl. Makes me think of girls sobbing outside thier lockers holding “a note” folded like a square, from some other girl telling her she stole her boyfriend for some shit. LAME! Oh the drama in the girlsroom to follow. Seriously, is that where we are?

    I can say from my own avoidance of emotional crap, email is a cop-out, the easy way and well down right cowardly. We’ve all done it in one way or another, don’t want to talk to a friend or co-worker. Calling off sick and don’t want to face the boss, email and make it sound bad enough they wouldn’t dare call, you could be in emergency surgery for christ-sake…but a break-up, with someone you’ve been with for five months, and said ” I love you” to. WHAT? Are you serious? I don’t care if itsbeen a week. PICK UP A PHONE!

    Listen A…W.C. Don’t stay away too long. You’re a great writer, I tell everyone about you and my mom thinks you’re hysterical and is about to be laid up post surgery, what will keep her going?

    Oh, P.S. You need to bring an excersise ball, a big one to work and use it for a chair, it will really help you ass issue. If it wobbles to much for you, be in touch, I know just where to get you one that will not and you doctor can write a Rx so you work can say nothing about it…

    Best,
    JG

  4. March 14, 2011 6:50 AM

    That really bites. Being dropped via the e-mail is about as cold as you can get. I can understand the need to step away from the blog for awhile, for I have done it myself from time to time when the real world decides to rear its ugly head.

    We’ll leave the light on for you whenever you decide to make a reappearance.

  5. March 14, 2011 6:51 AM

    Oh fucksticks. I’m so sorry. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It hurts like buggery. And then some more. I’ll just virtually hold your hand and steal your icecream and make small talk about how cute the cats are and hope you come back when you’re ready.

    (P.S. that’s a really cunty way to end a relationship. I’m not dissing, I’m just saying.)

  6. March 14, 2011 6:53 AM

    Oh, baby, I’m so sorry! I expected so much better from her! But don’t let this make you stop blogging, you’re one of us and we love you!

  7. March 14, 2011 7:05 AM

    Email on the way!

  8. March 14, 2011 7:36 AM

    Oh no…. this makes me feel almost as bad as when Kyk and Dolce broke up. I’m still not over that and now you and Lindsay…. why me Lord, why me?

  9. March 14, 2011 7:57 AM

    I’m so sorry. =(

  10. March 14, 2011 9:12 AM

    I’m so sorry! You deserve so much more! Be good to yourself.

    We’ve talked before about how I got left on a post-it note and now most recently dumped at a Valentine’s Day concert (and left to hang out with my ex-husband and his girlfriend!)…

    Break ups suck! I highly recommend listening to This American Life’s “The Break Up”

  11. March 14, 2011 9:13 AM

    What? WHAT?? Your love and innocent and pure and on the Internet! It involved Canada and cats – what freaking went wrong?

    Now I’m not one to say that this is obviously the beginning of a massive Canadian invasion strategy.

    But it is.

    RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.

  12. March 14, 2011 9:15 AM

    Dammit. I am soooo sorry! I also thought that this one was different.

    I remember years ago being appalled that someone dumped me over the phone…there was no internet or cell phones then or it would have happened by email or text….

    Dammit…..I feel so bad for you…..

    Take whatever time you need….we will miss you but YOU are more important than the blog (no matter how much we love it and YOU!)

    Dammit!!!

  13. rholmes1987 permalink
    March 14, 2011 9:45 AM

    I feel for ya. And I do so agree about the community the internet has created. It leaves us with fake friends and with easy outs. Often I think people need to man up and stop hiding behind their profile.

  14. March 14, 2011 10:25 AM

    That sucks. I got dumped in a text once so I understand the frustration of the impersonal vessel in which the dumping occurs. He even used ‘u’ and ‘ur’ which he was well aware was (and still very much is) a pet peeve of mine. I hope you’re feeling better about all of this soon.

  15. March 14, 2011 10:45 AM

    Bummer! I prescribe lots of ice cream. And some purr therapy from the girls – they know how to treat a broken heart the best.

    Take your time coming back to the blog. We’ll be here for you when you return.

  16. March 14, 2011 10:51 AM

    Bah. I’m so sorry to hear this.

    For what it’s worth, maybe she’s having a hard time with this, too, and that’s why she chose to email you instead of call. I don’t necessarily think that breaking up with someone via email is necessarily callous or insensitive. Maybe it just allowed her to say what she needed to say in a coherent manner.

    As a writer, I admit that, in the past, I’ve opted to write a letter instead of saying something long and drawn out… and stumbling over it.

    Anyway, I know this doesn’t make you feel any better. But, I thought I’d try to offer another perspective, s’all.

    • March 16, 2011 6:23 PM

      I’m also better with words, Dennis. If I thought the only way I could express myself was in a letter, then I would write it and read it aloud to the recipient. At least that’s what I hope I would do, if I were ever in a similar situation.

      • March 16, 2011 6:26 PM

        Fair enough. What I’ve done in the past is hand them the letter, then sit there in silence while they read. But, I like your idea….

      • March 16, 2011 6:36 PM

        Sitting in silence and letting her read is *so* much better than just dropping a letter in the mail or firing off an email. You’re giving the person an opportunity to digest what you’ve said and then respond. And you’re there — she can feel you and see you and talk to you and be angry or upset or both. Everyone gets to have and express their feelings. Which I think is what I’ve missed out on here.

      • March 16, 2011 6:39 PM

        Yeah, I totally understand. So, I guess it’s not just about responding, but also knowing that the other person actually heard you.

  17. March 14, 2011 10:57 AM

    Breaking up over email. Very shitty thing to do. Agreed.

    But, this post appears to be the same at arms length, cowardly behaviour that you complain about. Is this really much better than a facebook status? Or switching from “in a relationship” to “single”? You wrote this post in order to “maintain some semblance of sanity”. You took the high road, wishing her well. But, to me at least, this post feels like an attack on someone or an indirect way to make sure that she is aware of how you are feeling.

    I agree with you, the internet makes it much easier to dismiss relationships. It also makes it easier to release anger and publicly denounce someone.

    And…apparently it also makes it easier for someone (like me) to share an opinion about something that is none of their business.

  18. March 14, 2011 11:02 AM

    That bites the big one! I can certainly relate having been dumped via email as well…and having the person refuse to communicate even one last time via telephone to give the relationship some closure. Not that it helps from where you are now…but you’re obviously better off than with someone with so little respect for your heart.

  19. Karen J permalink
    March 14, 2011 11:13 AM

    Delurking to say…..Hmph! I am floored that someone could do that to another human being. I know I am “old fashioned” since I grew up in a world of telephones with cords….but really?? An email?? May she get cat scratch fever…..

    You will be missed while recovering!

  20. March 14, 2011 11:22 AM

    “But, this post appears to be the same at arms length, cowardly behaviour that you complain about.”

    No. This appears to be someone explaining to her audience what happened and why we won’t be hearing about this relationship anymore without telling us anything that’s none of our damn business.

    I’m really sorry to hear about this! I’m disappointed how this all ended up, and I’d send you an e-mail, but I don’t have a lot to say. I’ll think of something else.

    • March 16, 2011 6:25 PM

      Yes. What Sarah said.

      The trouble (and maybe trouble isn’t the right word) with telling people about your beginnings is that they are then curious about the middles and endings, too.

      • March 17, 2011 10:56 AM

        Yes well…we can just continue to disagree. I know I’m in the minority here as this is your blog, full of your supporters. Don’t get me wront, I think you deserve support. Obviously you’ve been though something shitty. I’ve already agreed that an email breakup is bad. It’s shit. You should have the support of your friends and family. They should side with you and perhaps even trash-talk Lindsay. That’s what friends are for. My issue is with you doing it publicly on the internet in a blog where you complain that people can easily disconnect and hide behind their computers. It comes off as hypocritical.

        I think it could have been handled differently. If you think that it is necessary that your readers know about the breakup, you could have done it short and sweet. Instead you created a post about how out of touch people seem to be, and how easy it is to use the internet to stay an arm’s length away. It’s true i guess that you don’t get into too much detail. But, the details that you do discuss weigh heavily in your favour and attack Lindsay. I disagree with Sarah when she says that you didn’t tell us anything that wasn’t any of our business. You did.

        The details that you left out- – things like how often did you guys correspond by way of email? How often did you talk on the phone? Has she tried to reach out to you at all after sending the email? What did you say to her in response to the email? — are also none of our business, but they might have painted a different picture of the situation.

        My point is that all the readers are getting is one side. And now what is out there on the internet is your post and over 60 supportive comments. To me, that is exactly the disconnected cowardly behaviour you complain about.

      • March 17, 2011 11:04 AM

        Of course this is one-sided. This is her personal blog. This isn’t a court of law. And we’re not judges. She doesn’t need to–nor would we expect her to even be able to–present all sides of the case.

      • March 17, 2011 9:30 PM

        What Dennis said. No one is going to mistake a blog post about still-raw feelings after a breakup for an objective recitation of all the relevant facts.

  21. March 14, 2011 11:35 AM

    Sad. Sad on your behalf. “I’m sorry” is a stupid phrase because the reaction is, “Why? It wasn’t your fault.” Which it probably isn’t. I don’t think I contributed, I mean, I have cats and all but I don’t think my weird-cat owning heterosexual vibes cause international undercurrents of dissatisfaction.

    “I have sorrow.” That’s what we should be able to say. But when we say that, people look at you funny. (More specifically, when *I* say it, people look at ME funny. I don’t think the phrase is sweeping the nation yet.)

    I have sorrow. And I wish you did not hurt.

  22. March 14, 2011 11:41 AM

    That rots. This just happened to my girlfriend, but she was dumped via SMS (Ummm..WTF is more like it). That shit is wack. I competely get why one would take that route (they must be an unbelievably cowardly person) but it doesn’t excuse such inhumane behavior.

    Sending hugs from Sweden.

  23. Dear Sweet Mama permalink
    March 14, 2011 11:42 AM

    Hang in there, sweetie pie. Life just sucks sometimes. Remember that you have people who do care about you. We’ll be here when you are ready.

  24. March 14, 2011 12:41 PM

    Ooh this is a bullshit. DISLIKE.

    I’ve not been dumped by EMAIL, but I have been dumped by DISAPPEARANCE which is basically…hey how about I just vanish and never respond to you in any form ever again. Which is also nice, especially when you are certain it’s not because they’re dead.

  25. March 14, 2011 12:50 PM

    I’m so sorry…

    xo Susie

  26. March 14, 2011 1:30 PM

    Boo.

    Oh, just, boo.

    That sucks.

    You, however, continue to be wonderful.

  27. MirtoP permalink
    March 14, 2011 1:57 PM

    A lot to think about here, from the interesting comments as well as your own post. It did, though, remind me that my Worst Breakup Ever was “correctly” done in person, one of those let’s-take-a-walk-I-have-t0-talk-to-you-about-something deals. This came, by the way, a day or so after I was begged – also face-to-face – to swear never to ever leave the “dumper.” Confused, manipulative (intentionally or not) people will always find a way to leave one utterly bewildered, and I’m sure there will always be newer, trendier ways to do it, too (breakup in 140 characters or less via Twitter DM??). But in hindsight, did I end up better off? You bet! Will you? I vote yes.

  28. March 14, 2011 2:01 PM

    oh sweetie, I’m so sorry! all I can do is offer you my best heartbreak remedy: french fries with soft serve ice cream and plenty of Big Love.

    love to you, darlin’!

  29. March 14, 2011 2:05 PM

    It sucks. That’s all I got. Don’t give up on love though. I thought I would never find the one that made everything click but she showed up in the least likely place under the most insane confluence of events. In the end she married me. Don’t ever give up on someday kiddo!

  30. March 14, 2011 2:48 PM

    I’m sorry– that really sucks. On the bright side, having a sucky breakup while Cee Lo Green’s “Fuck You” is popular is really good timing. I guess that doesn’t really help. Sorry.

  31. March 14, 2011 4:17 PM

    *hug*

    M.L.

  32. March 14, 2011 6:02 PM

    Guh. I’m sorry. That really sucks. Since you requested no dissing in the comments, I will send you a little e-mail. 🙂

    *inappropriately-long hug*

  33. Flozz permalink
    March 14, 2011 6:10 PM

    This makes me sad. Selfishly because my own relationship just failed and yours was providing me with hope & joy. Have strength – I’m a recent lurker to your blog (via kyk) but you sound totally lovely. And you love cats, so what’s there not to like?! Hope the ice cream numbs some of the pain (terrible pun) and healing time passes quickly xx

  34. March 14, 2011 6:11 PM

    “We’re so tapped into the internet that we’ve lost sight of the series of tubes that runs through our bodies and makes us warm to the touch. “Touch” is just the name of our iPods now. We write on “walls” instead of knocking them down. We “friend” and “follow” instead of fraternize. We email instead of call.

    In other words, we “like” instead of love.”

    That is BRILLIANT. Can I please quote you on this when I do my year-with-no-Facebook update?

    I’m really really sorry to hear about your breakup. Although breakups suck when they end, you always end up going through an amazing transformation period afterward, so that is something to look forward to! But ugh…I am just really sorry. 😦 And I’d say fuck it—go to Toronto anyway! Have some fun and do some shopping!

    I know you’ll find someone else who is way more amazing and wonderful than you can even imagine right now, but I know that during this point in time my words won’t mean much. But as a budding blogger and someone who hopes to move out of shitty Ohio one day, you are definitely a role model for me—strong, creative, funny, and highly-talented. You’ve inspired and entertained so many people, so don’t ever forget that! Good things are definitely going to come your way 🙂

  35. March 14, 2011 7:59 PM

    I am floored by your light and lucid handling of your own romantic tragedy. The graceful tone you have struck in seeing the break-up as part of a wider social phenomenon is a triumph.

    While I myself am guilty of misusing email to hold Deep And Meaningful discussions, nothing replaces the courage required to speak voice to voice, “panim el panim” – face to face.

    I will know dole pity and self-righteous indignity upon your ex – woe is her who cannot treat a lover with the basic respect endowed by the sacred bond of the shared box of gloves, I mean, shared bed.

  36. March 14, 2011 8:23 PM

    Wow, how terrible. How can someone do something that mean?

  37. Melissa permalink
    March 14, 2011 8:30 PM

    So sorry! Sending warm thoughts and hugs. Hope you’re not away too long. xo

  38. March 14, 2011 8:39 PM

    I just saw “The Social Network” and according to that movie, Zuckerberg was launched on the path to creating Facebook after getting dumped and then blogging about it. You could be the next internet billionaire!!!

  39. March 14, 2011 8:55 PM

    Well, damn.

    I wish you a good recovery, if such a thing is possible.

    And cupcakes. I wish you cupcakes.

  40. ryan permalink
    March 14, 2011 9:04 PM

    i was heartbroken to read this this morning. very sorry to hear that it happened the way it did. teva and isabel will continue to be your therapeutic fuzzy-buddies whose love knows no boundaries, and we’ll be waiting patiently for your return.

    take care of yourself….

  41. BeneathTheSpinLight permalink
    March 14, 2011 9:28 PM

    Technology has made breaking up in a half-assed manner much easier to do. It’s a shitty reality that we all have to deal with, even though we shouldn’t have to. On the bright side, technology brought us all to this blog to show you some love.
    If nothing else, remember that we all love you! ❤

  42. March 14, 2011 9:35 PM

    i suggest some guinness floats in those awesome “alone with cats” glasses this weekend. then you can drown your sorrows in the ice cream, and drown the ice cream in alcohol. brilliant, no?

  43. Melanie permalink
    March 14, 2011 10:54 PM

    Jess, I’m here for you long-term. I’m not Canadian, I’m definitely not “positive,” and I definitely won’t break up with you via e-mail because I hate f***ing gmail and that’s my junk mail account. I know you’ve had a rough couple of years, so let’s talk long-term security: If you haven’t found anyone and I haven’t found anyone — and by anyone, I mean that certain special sweaty, middle-aged, 100-lbs. overweight someone — the next time Lucy comes to Boston, let’s BE that couple taking their jerky, un-self-conscious love into their own hands. You can have my ass because your ass, like your heart, is broken, and I can have your boobs. Frankly, one of us is getting the raw end of that deal, but I extend my groping to you in the spirit of friendship nevertheless. …..I’m sorry some people are such jerks. You don’t deserve it. 🙂

  44. March 14, 2011 11:11 PM

    my heart hurts for you right now. i’m pissed that you’ve made me so sad.

    there are good things about the world wide web – you can find comfort in the strangers who love you and your incredible gift of writing.

    i hope this video clip reminds you who is really at fault here:

  45. March 14, 2011 11:17 PM

    It blows that it ended, and it sucks how it ended. And you are correct, e-mail is an ok way to reschedule a date, or end a conversation with someone you’ve only corresponded with via e-mail, but breaking up? bullshit.

    sorry. but i feel your pain, sistah…

  46. March 15, 2011 5:03 AM

    And here I was thinking only men do that. . .I probably ought to apologise to men for thinking so poorly of them. . .as someone said, and it should be taking the world by storm “i have sorrow”. . .Poor you. Time is a shitty healer, but hope it fast forwards for you.
    Josie x

  47. March 15, 2011 6:56 AM

    Harsh. Who even breaks up by email anyway? What’s next, being ditched via text message, a dumping via a dance routine filmed and put on you tube?!

    Email on the way.

    PS. You know who else came from Canada? Bryan Adams. Nuff said.

  48. March 15, 2011 12:42 PM

    Here. Maybe this will bring a smile to your day:

    http://www.cracked.com/article_19108_5-reasons-war-between-dog-cat-people-needs-to-stop.html

  49. March 15, 2011 1:33 PM

    Oh, no. I am so sorry, girl. That is true crap. Like everyone is saying, “WHO DOES THAT?!” The same people who floss in front of you and play hip-hop music really loudly through their crappy cell phone speakers, that’s who. You can do better than that.
    s

  50. March 15, 2011 1:58 PM

    Well, that’s just a down right fucked off way to end a relationship. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I am new to your blog and have just finished reading all your posts and I must say that you sound like a truly awesome person. You’re incredibely funny, talented, open, honest and a cat lover (which as I’m sure you already know, means you totally rock). Hang in there, it’ll get better!

  51. March 15, 2011 6:32 PM

    This post made me sad. I’m so sorry to see things didn’t work out 😦 come on over to London – we’ll take you on a night out in soho that will guarantee to make you smile!

  52. March 15, 2011 6:42 PM

    Argh. So sorry to hear this. You’re one of those ladies – like George Eliot – of whom a sane onlooker thinks, “How could anyone she fancied not totally fancy her socks off right back?” People, eh? I’ll never figger them out.

    Hoping the heartsoreness eases soon.

  53. redg_rl permalink
    March 15, 2011 8:12 PM

    damn are you good with words.. & conscientiousness, restraint, compassion.. most folks in your unfortunate (& unacceptable) position would rip such a shallow character to shreds but you’re much too good of a human being to do so. You shared a difficult story, voiced your feelings, but never attacked, a classy lassie all the way.

    it would have been easier & more economical if ms. canada showed her cowardly ‘issues’-laden side earlier on in the game (how can you be issue-free & healthy if you can’t even COMMUNICATE?!) but any way you turn it or twist it, it still hurts.

    you have a lovely network of folks here who care about you & are indignant on your behalf. it is also spirit-boosting to know that at least 54+ people agree that speaking face to face & being HONEST is the way to handle all matters of the heart. at least that’s a start along the road to mending.

    in the meantime, i’ll gladly join you in ice cream consumption & can provide company, even miserable company if you require;)

    all the best to this truly insightful & well-written lady & her fine kitty companions!

  54. March 15, 2011 10:29 PM

    Ok I thought she was a nutter from go. All that weirdo positivity crap had to be a put on. I mean I am Buddhist and vegetarian and read tarot cards, and I STILL was like…whoa. Weirdo alert. And I wanted to like her, for your sake, because you sure DESERVE someone who sounds as good as she did on paper. But just do me a favor. Go back when you are able and reread some of that stuff on her website~ not from the place of a potenial lover, or a current lover, but from the jaded intellectual snarky standpoint of the chic who bears my name, makes me snort through my nose with her acerbic wit and keen turn of phrase, and is Teva and Isabels momma. Then ask yourself, honestly, how fast was the bullet you just dodged traveling? because hon you had a 50/50 chance of her being your lifeloooooong stalker.
    And I’ll tell ya another thing, too. She’s not done with you. You’ve been warned by the ghost of lesbian future, mmkay? DO NOT TRUST THIS PERSON, YOU DO NOT REALLY KNOW HER. You know some things about her, alot of cool, sexy, fun, random crap. But you do not really know someone until you have seen them everyday for a few months to a year. Please, please, trust me on this. Tuck this love affair into your shoebox of memories and move on lady. Somewhere is a non-nutter who is real and not living in a fantasy world. And you won’t meet her if you are in the ex-lover protection program, all wig and dark Jackie-O sunglasses. Aw man I cannot believe how badly I wish I could shove you forward six months right now. Much love!

  55. March 16, 2011 9:43 AM

    That is some shit right there.

    Right. No shit-talking.

    It infuriates me when people pull this crap. Oh, right, you’ve been inside me but I can’t for the life of me feel like sacking the fuck up and calling you. Because… intimacy is only intimacy when it’s ok for me, but when it’s not I will stay in my comfort zone and avoid dealing with my shit, thank you very much.

    Needless to say, you’re better off. I know it doesn’t feel that way. But still.

  56. March 16, 2011 10:11 AM

    Fuckmuffins. No bashing, Ok, fine, right, good for you, high road, right, yeah, yeah. But I hate that you’ve been hurt and in such a demeaning way. Asshole.

  57. March 16, 2011 11:35 AM

    I’m so sorry. It’s like when people check out of a relationship, all normal decency goes out the window. Well, I no longer want to be with this person, so I no longer have to treat them like a human. It’s not just your situation, it’s all social media. It’s become the norm, and that’s a shame.

  58. March 16, 2011 2:53 PM

    Someone who would break up via email is not someone you need in your life. Also, I know some excellent places to hide a body and am willing to help. 🙂

    • March 16, 2011 9:25 PM

      I’ll help you Tracy Lynn.

      • concerned permalink
        March 18, 2011 4:42 PM

        is this kind of maturity really necessary?

  59. March 16, 2011 5:59 PM

    I was dumped via voice mail once. I (stupidly) kept that voicemail for months. My advice: DELETE THE EMAIL. And also, please keep blogging. Because I love your blog. And also, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Because it sucks. Big Time. And also, I like your pussy mugs. Because who doesn’t want to drink beer with felines?

  60. March 17, 2011 7:40 PM

    Sorry to hear this 😦 Email dumping is brutal.

  61. Lindsay (not the Lindsay in the article) permalink
    March 18, 2011 1:34 PM

    I’ve never read this blog before, but stumbled across it today, and definitely regret reading it, it’s 5 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. I’m sure it’s normally better under happier circumstances, but anyway, I’ve decided to wasted another 5 and post something.

    What’s pissed me off about this article is that it’s so whiny. Agreed, getting dumped by email blows, but honestly if it were me, i’d pick up the phone and call her out on this crap. The whole part about taking the high road kind of made me laugh to because I think whining in a public forum about getting dumped and inviting strangers to comment is just attention seaking drama that doesn’t equate to taking the high road in my books. You’ve said to her to take care and basically let her off the hook for dumping you via email, but then go and post how you really feel online. A little hypocritical to me. I understand that your blog is your way of venting and getting over this, but if I were your friend, I would tell you that you should call Lindsay and tell her how you really feel, and if she doesn’t have the guts to answer your call, then that shows you her true character.

  62. March 18, 2011 5:07 PM

    the person above me blows.

    sending warm fuzzies your way, my love. at least now you can save all that money from international flights and put it towards launching what is sure to be your blockbuster company Campons!

    anyway, you’ve earned that ice cream and this hiatus, so enjoy it. we’ll miss you!

    • March 20, 2011 9:13 PM

      No true Canadian would break up with someone via email. There is something wrong with this chick. In addition to her astoundingly bad relationship choices, of course.

      • May 27, 2011 2:39 PM

        I agree! Every Canadian I know is awesome!

  63. cinnamontoastsquirrel permalink
    March 18, 2011 9:28 PM

    This made me say “UGH!”
    Ugh to it all.

    As everyone told me as I was going through my last breakup, “At least you have the cats.”
    At the time, it made me want to ferociously attack the person saying it…but now? I get it.

  64. March 18, 2011 10:50 PM

    sucks ass. truly.

  65. The General (aka: Mommy) permalink
    March 20, 2011 6:44 PM

    What a bloody bitch.

    Look at this way- we were here before Lindsay, and we’re here now. Hell, you’ll never get rid of me, I bookmarked your ass. Thinkingof you and sending you some good old fashioned British “keep calm and carry on” vibes… And something Brits know very little about, (hugs). ❤

    To the Lindsay above; I think the chick has already shown her true colours, you know, the whole dumping via email thing. Why does AWC need to spend any more of her life talking to or thinking about this jerk? People who read her blog are bound to ask about the relationship so why shouldn't she just come out with it now? And why is she obliged to take the high road on her own blog? She can be whatever she wants. If the Lindsay in question wants her story to be heard, she can start her own blog!

  66. March 23, 2011 12:54 AM

    Oh love. Breaking up blows, and if you have such awesome cups, why you are not chugging straight vodka out of them eludes me. I see you have an extra glass. Shall I help you drink it?

  67. March 23, 2011 9:36 AM

    I probably shouldn’t be commenting right now, I have horrible insomnia and I just cut my own hair. (Because that’s what you do when you have insomnia?) I just hope “the tail” is back in style by noon, otherwise I’ll be hiding my hair under a sun visor until I can get to the mall and buy a hat.

    But I digress.

    This totally sucks balls. I’m floored that our society has resorted to breaking up via email correspondence. But at least it happened now and not three or four or ten flights from now.

    And I know it’s cliche, but when you do meet the right one (which you will, anyone can tell that you have the mindset to be in a mature, healthy relationship), you’ll probably look back on this hot mess and see it as a good thing. Sometimes it takes a shitload of bad to make you appreciate the good.

    Or, so I’ve been told.

    If I didnt live on the other side of Canada I would tell you to come anyway. You could stay at my place and come hat shopping with me. 😉

  68. The Chinese Cowboy permalink
    March 24, 2011 12:03 AM

    Time wounds all heels.

  69. March 25, 2011 12:33 AM

    okay, for a girl who is way pretty up on the whole interwebs bloggity blog world i ha, not really, i am not so up on that, i am actually hopelessly behind, by a week or ten days or even fucking more! but despite this i DO in my own way follow your shenanigans, most lovely cat woman, and oh what i mean what! what! has happened here oh i am so sorry to hear this as all i desire is your happiness and that is all really fucking true but still? still, honestly still, all i can think about in this moment is you on that car hood with your legs akimbo and the wind in your hair, you know, like tawny kitaen, oh yes find some power in this badness tawny KITAEN and alone with KITAENs you are gonna be just fine just practice your hood writhing okay? okay. ah love you.

  70. March 25, 2011 2:16 PM

    ah *crap*. i just read this. (been a bad blogger and blog-reader myself lately) gosh i am so sorry. i want to say mean things but i won’t. sigh.

  71. March 26, 2011 4:36 AM

    This is your blog, your house on the Internet so I will be polite to people who are here in this space. I am showing restraint by not clicking on “REPLY” to The Other Lindsay above.

    I am so sorry something so shitty and so poorly handled happened to you. There is nothing I could say to possibly make you heal faster. But I am game for shipping you some booze! Your lack of energy to even DRINK is worrying me.

    This is probably not what you want to hear now, but what you said at the end, about the social media and how the “easy” communication is actually distancing us? I LOVE IT. It is one of the most elucidating commentary on this “brave new world” I have read. I will quote it back to you:

    “Our brave new world is cultivating a culture of convenience — and cowardice. We’re so tapped into the internet that we’ve lost sight of the series of tubes that runs through our bodies and makes us warm to the touch. “Touch” is just the name of our iPods now. We write on “walls” instead of knocking them down. We “friend” and “follow” instead of fraternize. We email instead of call.

    In other words, we “like” instead of love. ”

    Pure brilliance.

  72. March 26, 2011 9:31 AM

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot, because I’m really active on both facebook and twitter, but for no apparent reason. It doesn’t really “matter” to me what goes on in either, but still I post almost religiously every seven hours. I went back through the histories to verify that, and it goes up and down, but at least every seven hours. How weird is it to find yourself in an entirely new cycle like that, without meaning to? I also recently remembered I had an entire email folder of my Bad Ex’s emails to me over the last couple of years, and I want to delete them, and yet I feel like the moment I delete them, I’ve erased him, because he’s not an online person at all. Which is a thought I’m uncomfortable with, that I wouldn’t be able to go online and find evidence of him once I got rid of those letters. They’re not even really good letters. A lot of them are fight letters.
    So the point is, I agree with you that the semblance of closeness is odd and unnatural, and the nature of relationships has shifted in this strange pose that leads to more often and less meaningful communication. But also, it’s permanent, and perhaps the thing to do is master it properly with practice, because a new philosophy and rulebook is going to have to appear eventually and I’d like to be aware of it as a modern member of society. But also, let’s face it, it makes it way easier to get laid. And that’s the only thing any of my 559 FB friends really care about.

  73. March 26, 2011 10:11 PM

    I am way behind on my blog reading, and I hope you haven’t become lactose intolerant by now from all the ice cream eating. Because that would actually be the worst.
    I love you, and your blog, and your cats.
    Putting your emotions and break up on the webs is pretty damn brave, and scary.
    I look forward to your return.
    xo

  74. March 27, 2011 4:42 AM

    Aww I’ve been logged out for a while too. I just read this on my email and wanted to say I’m sorry. Don’t quite know what to say in this situations cause I know the sucky feeling of a heartbrake takes time to go away, but it will eventualy i promise.

    I think it’s time for clichés: Everything is going to be ok. You’ll find someone who really desirves you and last but not least you’re better of without her!!

    PS: Taking the high road is the best thing to do.
    PPS: you are absolutely right about everything you said about the internet buuuuut you never know, maybe the internet karma will throw you a better/yummier/hotter candy 😉

    Lots of virtual hugs from my kitten to yours.

  75. April 1, 2011 9:15 PM

    This is my first time visiting here but I had to comment…my sister recently got dumped after more than 3 years in a text message. It’s really hard to believe that anyone would consider ending a relationship in such impersonal ways. I’m really sorry it happened to you but, from your writing, you seem to be the type who will do much better than her in the long run.

  76. April 2, 2011 7:09 AM

    I haven’t commented on this post before, but I have been checking in to see how you are doing.

    I have to say I agree with you about how the internet has changed our relationships. Research indicates that people who grow up interacting with an electronic box do not learn how to properly relate to other humans. And if you are having a relationship with a box, then you use the box to end it, don’t you?

    It is all wrong, but it is certainly a lot easier for the dumper to send an email or text message. Then you don’t have to deal with all those messy feelings.

    I hope that you are starting to recover, both physically and emotionally. Ice cream is one of my drugs of choice — especially with chocolate sauce. . .

  77. carlae permalink
    April 2, 2011 11:43 AM

    That is cowardice, one day it won’t hurt as much…I hope. I’ve been saying for years that we’re over communicated and under socialized. Be well.

  78. April 6, 2011 6:45 PM

    Oh crap this is a great blog.

  79. Lauren permalink
    April 11, 2011 1:53 PM

    You probably aren’t checking responses at this point and not that it’s my business, but you did open the floor. I have to give some props to “T” and “The Other Lindsay.” Their delivery may not have been in the form you can accept (obviously, the online word does not have any favorability these days for you), but there is a point that was decently made: we (your fans) need to know a little less, and you and she need to know a little more.

    Whether she will actually improve upon herself to be courteous in ending future relationships (and Canadians are usually so damn polite), it would bring better closure to confront her in the most direct way available without being creepy. Unfortunately here, this means a phone call because otherwise you would be dropping in on she and her new lover and that could get awkward (yes, that’s the reason – she wanted poon that wasn’t a flight away). So, you could politely call and say (write out your lines so that you don’t start going into relationship details and veering) that you enjoyed the relationship while it lasted, but it would have been kinder for you and your spirit guides (oh, I couldn’t resist) to have let you know in a more direct way.

  80. Lauren permalink
    April 11, 2011 1:58 PM

    P.S. Yes, the Spring Cleaning write-up is just a self-deceiving way of justifying the email you received. I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t see that for what is really is.

  81. April 12, 2011 10:05 PM

    As one who got broken up with after four years via facebook message, I feel your pain.
    At least mine was so lame it was more amusing than painful:
    “Sorry I haven’t called. We are definitely soulmates, but maybe not relationship material. Still friends?”

    My prescription:
    1) Punch a lot of random (inanimate) objects
    2) Have a stiff drink
    3) Try to laugh.
    4) Repeat steps until you do laugh.

  82. April 17, 2011 6:15 PM

    just coming over here to say i miss you and hope you come back soon.
    no meowing, no joking, come back soon. xoxox

  83. guinspeg permalink
    April 18, 2011 7:41 AM

    I hope you come back soon. I miss your nuttiness. Hope all is well with you and the kitties.

  84. April 21, 2011 10:36 AM

    Stay strong grrl.

  85. Nadine the Minx permalink
    April 22, 2011 10:39 PM

    I’ve been away for quite a while with only dial-up access, so I’m just now catching up on all of my favorite writers; thus, the really, really late comment.
    I was full of sorrow to hear of your break-up via e-mail. I could say all of the usual soothing things but other commenters have done a much better job than I could. I will say that time is your friend and your friends (and Teva & Isabel) will help you through.
    You WILL find love; and, maybe this time, you won’t have to buy airfare to go “sightseeing.”
    You have given me a lot to think about with your comments on the electronic media and how it affects us. For me, Twitter has been a lifeline for this woman with fibromyalgia. There are some days when I can’t get out of bed. This, coupled with the fact that none of my local friends have the same experience can result in a scary and lonely life sometimes. Twitter has connected me with other people that have chronic illness and has served as a support group of sorts for those of us who need support.

    No bashing here. But I WILL say that you will love and be loved again. Really.
    XOXO
    Nadine and the Lovely Zoe Luna

  86. May 9, 2011 3:27 AM

    Really sorry to hear this, its a super jerky way to break up with someone. Maybe something that’s just about acceptable when you’re 11. But over 11 and you kinda have to grow some (metaphorical) balls and treat people a little better.

    We’ll miss you in the blogosphere but I don’t blame you for taking a break. Sending you best wishes and looking forward to your return! xx

Trackbacks

  1. Breaking Up Is Hard To Do…And It Sucks
  2. The Weight of Words. « Women Are From Mars

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