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Dating is a zoo

September 9, 2011

While I was strolling through the San Diego Zoo, as usual professing my Lionel Richie-like endless love for every adorable animal I encountered and seething hate for all the stupid humans hogging my air, a billboard advertising a “Dating Service for the Desperate” caught my eye. My first thought was, that’s redundant. *Everyone* who joins a dating service is desperate. I speak from experience. My second thought was, sign me up.

The display was adjacent to the tiger exhibit, where no doubt countless severely single cat connoisseurs swarm and go ape every day. In the advertising field, this approach is known as catering to your target demographic.

The San Diego Zoo doesn't monkey around when it comes to dating. (I call dibs on the hottie on the right.)

This is all vaguely reminiscent of the time I spied a humdinger of an error in an editorial assistant’s article while performing my nightly proofing duties. I can’t remember who wrote it, what it was about, or how long ago it was, because I’m a highly skilled storyteller whose multimillion-dollar book deal to pen my memoir will materialize any. day. now. But I do recall that what the reporter meant was “dire straits”; what he or she or shim actually wrote was “dire straights.” Which I instantly became convinced would make the most awesome name ever for a dating service geared toward hopeless heterosexuals.

36 Comments leave one →
  1. Eye Cat Ewe permalink
    September 9, 2011 4:32 AM

    All I’m saying, is that if you had been educated in *real* english, you would know that materialise is spelt with an “s” and not a “z”. Cough, cough…pot? Kettle? That sort of thing. Hehe;)

    • September 9, 2011 7:17 AM

      Huh. In my dictionary it is spelled with a “z”. Cough cough “Nit picking? that sort of thing?”

    • Jose G. permalink
      September 9, 2011 10:48 AM

      Soooo… not to continue nit picking, but if YOU had been educated “in *real* english”, you would have capitalized (or capitalised) “English”

    • September 9, 2011 1:28 PM

      Cat fight!

  2. September 9, 2011 7:02 AM

    like the san diego zoo, i also keep a studbook. mostly so i can remember their names… at my age, that’s kinda irrelevant, though. “Hey, you! With the Polygrip in your cart!” is a perfectly good mating call…

  3. September 9, 2011 7:15 AM

    some mid-level management jerk at my old job once sent out a company-wide email that said the new computer upgrades would be a process of “trail and era.” He was enthusiastically mocked. Us newsies is bitchy ’bout words, yo!

    • September 9, 2011 7:18 AM

      Good thing I was done drinking coffee or I would have snorted it out my nose. “Trail and era” — the phrase brings so many images to mind.

  4. September 9, 2011 7:19 AM

    Thanks for this post. I needed a good laugh this morning. Dire straights indeed.

  5. September 9, 2011 10:03 AM

    You need to trademark that shit ASAP and start a dating service named after it…or a brothel, whichever is easiest.

  6. September 9, 2011 10:44 AM

    If I was still single I would have signed up in a second, because that’s pretty darn clever.

  7. September 9, 2011 12:21 PM

    I’d sign up for Dire Straights Dating. Except I view relationships less as an emotional support and more as an attempt to take over my personal space.

    • Jessica permalink
      September 9, 2011 12:53 PM

      Yeaaahhh..I had to get over this to have one myself.

  8. September 9, 2011 12:27 PM

    As a companion site to Dire Straights, how about Longing Gays?

    • September 9, 2011 1:02 PM

      I would like to subscribe to this newsletter.

    • September 10, 2011 9:20 AM

      Both brilliant. I would use and recommend both enthusiastically. Except for the married part. But still. Brilliant.

    • September 10, 2011 4:24 PM

      Well, there IS also the swingers’ site called Married-Go-Rounds….

  9. September 9, 2011 12:39 PM

    I think you should start Dire Straights. And everyone who signs up must have perfect grammar. This would have saved me from the flirty texts I got last week that said, “hey stranger hope your well.”

  10. Jessica permalink
    September 9, 2011 12:54 PM

    Dood…my friend of a million years was at the San Diego zoo this week too…from here in Florida. Coinkydink.

  11. September 9, 2011 1:02 PM

    “Dire Straights: Dating Service for The Desperate.”

    Just sayin’.

    PS I think you should feel kinda awesome for the snarky mini-comment-fight your readers got into (see the first three comments).

  12. September 9, 2011 1:34 PM

    I’ve never used a dating service, but I would totally call that number. ‘Cause what can result could only be amazing.

  13. September 9, 2011 5:39 PM

    Dire Straights would also be a great name for a band. C’mon, someone had to say it!

  14. September 9, 2011 6:39 PM

    Loves me a good pun. Still chortling.

  15. September 9, 2011 8:11 PM

    I am not a fan of that band, but I would totally sign up for that dating service. I smell a huge business opportunity.

  16. September 9, 2011 9:57 PM

    Mistakes like that are called eggcorns. My favourite one is “She lived next store to me”

  17. September 9, 2011 10:30 PM

    Finding an error like that makes me smile for weeks. Nay, months. It’s kind of what I live for…making my coworkers look like idiots. I also tend to point it out to them.
    My favorite was our daily list of celebrity birthdays for the next day and numero uno on it was “Estelle Getty, 85.” I circled it with my fancy red pen and wrote, “I highly doubt it.”
    (May she rest in peace. Hate to joke about that Golden Girl.)

  18. September 10, 2011 2:43 PM

    Sign me up for Dire Straights — I’m all for truth in advertising.

  19. September 11, 2011 9:52 PM

    If only procreating didn’t require both sexes, you and I would make the most hilarious babies.

  20. September 11, 2011 9:53 PM

    Er, just to be clear, technically I don’t even have a maternal clock.

    Just sayin’.

    • September 11, 2011 11:00 PM

      And just to be clear, I don’t like babies. But it would be such an honor to not have babies with you.

  21. Mel permalink
    September 11, 2011 10:03 PM

    No words! 🙂

  22. iarewearingthejeanpant permalink
    September 12, 2011 8:47 AM

    This post reeks of bestiality. I approve.

  23. September 13, 2011 7:15 PM

    If you use the word ‘humdinger’ a lot more often, I have no doubts you will be bombarded with dates in no time. Because who doesn’t want a humdinger? I know I do. Always.

    Or maybe I’m a little bit unsure what that word actually means. Perhaps the first three commenters can enlighten me.

  24. DMama permalink
    September 13, 2011 11:07 PM

    That would be an awesome name for a heterosexual dating website. Of course, right after you start it, I’m sure you will find the perfect female partner! I also never heard of a humdinger. Thank you for expanding my vocab…it’s so much more fun to read your posts and learn new words than those word-a-day calendars.

  25. September 16, 2011 11:54 AM

    Dire Straights for the Closeted Gays?

    Just sayin’.

  26. October 25, 2011 5:03 AM

    “Dire Straights – THE dating service for the romantically challenged and socially anorexic” Love it.

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