Or maybe *this* is what happened to Princess Diana …
I found a typewriter-written conspiracy theory about the death of Princess Diana — or rather “Princes Diana,” which adds an unexpected multiple transsexual twist! — in a stack of Letters to the Editor recently sent to the newspaper where I work. I cannot not share it. And yeah, Postmaster General, if you want to get all technical about it, this probably constitutes felony mail fraud, which carries a punishment of up to five years in prison and/or fines of up to $250,000. Worth it. Also, there was a lot of lesbian sex that one time on “The L Word” when Bette and Candace went to jail. I’d find a way to muddle through it.
I am *so* gullible. To think, all this time I was under the impression that the wilting of England’s rose was caused by a deadly combination of a drunken driver and ruthless paparazzi. Which is exactly what The Queen wants you to believe.
And by “The Queen” I mean “Elton John.” If the truth ever leaked out, he’d be forced to re-rewrite his song. Thankfully, I’ve already penned a new title: “Good lie, England’s Ruse.” I’ve got your back, Elton John. Not in the prison-sex sort of way, though. Because you keep rejecting my advances.