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Less is more. And amore.

October 3, 2011

A common complaint among bloggers is that their cats aren’t as cute as mine. This is accurate. The truth shall set you free.

Bloggers also gripe about a lack of readers. I’m guilty of this as well. My self-esteem is intricately tied to my site stats. I feel sad when they’re sad. And then I feel even sadder, because I get that Barry Manilow song stuck in my head. If you only knew what I’m going through. Even when my stats spike, I wonder why they didn’t climb even higher. I always want more. More daily hits. And more comments. And more cowbell.

My grandma always said, “If you have a few really good friends, consider yourself wealthy.” Impeccably manicured, Grandma also used to tell me, an incorrigible nail biter in my youth, “If you grow out your nails, I’ll paint them for you.” One of those lessons might apply here.

I don’t have a billionty readers, but one happens to be Allison Goldberg, an actor and co-founder of a production company who unexpectedly plucked one of my posts and propelled it onstage. A few nights ago at Under St. Marks theater in New York City’s East Village, my friends, my mom — of course she came — and I watched as the effervescent Alli performed one of my essays in a knee-slapper of a new show called “Blogologues,” which transforms blog fodder into monologues. I have yet to fully process how fucking cool this is — that a silly little rambling that I lazily launched into the interwebs expecting only a few folks to read came to life in front of an audience. For the first time as a blogger, instead of seeing LOLs, I heard actual laughs in response to my writing.

I had hoped that the actor playing me would be much prettier and thinner and more charming than I, and Alli didn’t disappoint. See for yourself:

If you live in New York City or on Earth, I highly recommend you check out this show, and I’m not just saying that to suck up to the producers because they picked my post and I hope they use more. I legitimately loved it and I’m sucking up.

The show was the second time in as many months that my blog brought me to New York City. In July, I crashed the Big Apple vacation of bloggy babes Nursemyra and Daisyfae.

And Buddah makes four.

The good nurse gave me a key chain with a feline on it, because she apparently just assumed that I like cats. I don’t know what gave her that idea.

Cats are fine. Whatev.

Daisyfae then sent Amber my way. We met for lunch and she sweetly presented me with a gift-wrapped package of cellophane. Because maybe sometimes I spend Saturday nights cloaking my cats in Saran.

For reasons that we may never know or understand, Teva and Isabel were more enthralled with the ribbon than the shrink wrap.

Another web buddy, Laurenne, put me up for a few summer nights at her apartment in Venice Beach, California. Both aspiring writers, we made a pact that if one of us ever achieves success, we’ll make room on our coattails for the other. I will hold her to this.

Coattails forthcoming.

While out West, I connected with Roxanne, who had previously shipped me a care package when I was nursing a broken heart and asscontaining treats for Teva and Isabel, cat-shaped cookies and the most hideously awesome cat-print silk blouse I have ever seen.

It's a little long in the sleeves.

Don't be fooled by Teva's look of disgust and the way she's clawing her way out of the shirt. She loves it.

Teva says "less is more" with her eyes.

And a few months ago when a reader in South Africa named Claire asked me what I’m doing for my birthday, and I replied something like “cats” and “alone” and “with,” she asked whether I might want to celebrate turning 31 in Cape Town. I’m told there are big and fast cats there. She twisted my arm. While on the other side of the world, I’ll visit ‘net crony Kyknoord, a glass-half-empty kindred spirit with whom I do all my best wallowing.

Beginning today, I’ll be dropping off this series of tubes for a few weeks while I go continent-hopping, which wouldn’t be possible without the generosity (and probably insanity) of the wonderful people who’ve found their way here. With your kindness and support and pledge of coattail-riding, you’ve all taught me that it’s not how many readers but who’s reading that counts. From now on, I’ll remember that when I’m feeling Mani-low.

What I’m saying is, I’m wealthy because I want to paint all your nails.

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43 Comments leave one →
  1. October 3, 2011 4:45 AM

    Sure, I’m down. What color nail polish goes with emasculation, though?

    Or is that pretty much any color?

  2. October 3, 2011 6:34 AM

    Paint mine please! I’d like violet to go with my new hair colour

  3. October 3, 2011 7:18 AM

    A blog piece? Produced? That is a giant bucket of awesomesauce!

    Happy travels, fellow blog-adventurer! There are some lovely people who live inside your computer! Be sure to poke lettuce in between the keys sometimes so we don’t starve!

    We want pics of the elusive south african!

  4. October 3, 2011 7:25 AM

    Have a good time on your adventures… I’ll be keeping an eye on the news feeds to make sure you don’t start no international incidents! What kind of money do you use to pay bail in South Africa, anyway? Is it still krugerrands like they taught us in Lethal Weapon?

  5. October 3, 2011 7:40 AM

    Sooooo happy for you!! I got chills when I saw the video!!! I always knew you were gonna hit the “big time” and you are on your way!!!

    Have a fabulous trip!

    I think I better let my nails grow!

  6. October 3, 2011 9:30 AM

    This is when it actually sucks that I live in a suburb of your fair home city. Unless you want to go to the mall, in which case I’d meet you for coffee after.

    Have fun continent hopping!

    • October 19, 2011 9:44 PM

      I accept your coffee invitation. Even though I don’t drink coffee. And I don’t have to travel 10,000 miles to meet you. Otherwise, it’s *so* on.

  7. October 3, 2011 9:55 AM

    Bravo!!! Yes I will pray for you. But now that you are globe trotting. You can just claim to be European and never have to shave your legs again! The blogverse is indeed amazing. Have fun on your adventures!!!

  8. October 3, 2011 10:52 AM

    Have a wonderful time on your adventure 🙂 I can’t wait to see what you bring back for Teva and Isabel 🙂

  9. October 3, 2011 11:05 AM

    You like cats? How did I miss that?

    How is it that I have 2 trips to NY this month but neither is when the show is. Frustrating!

  10. October 3, 2011 11:44 AM

    Yay for real-life connections coming out of the blogosphere! Thanks so much for this lovely review of Blogologues, and have fun continent hopping!

  11. October 3, 2011 12:27 PM

    That IS very cool and – wow – have fun out there!

    Stay safe too K?

    All the best to you,
    M.L.

  12. October 3, 2011 12:27 PM

    YOU have cats?!? I have cats, too!

    Have fun wandering around the world. We’ll be looking forward to tales of your adventures.

  13. October 3, 2011 1:01 PM

    I am a little bummed that you came all the way west and yet not to Seattle. The cats are miffed, too, and went on an online spending spree that practically broke my credit card.

    I’m not saying that’s your fault, I’m just saying that I’m blaming you. Have fun on your trip. 🙂

  14. October 3, 2011 1:17 PM

    Man, your life is SO awesome.

    I’m officially jealous.

    Not of your cats though.

    BECAUSE I HAVE A CAT IN A BOWL AND SHE’S ALL I NEED.

  15. October 3, 2011 4:27 PM

    Hope you’ll have a fabulous trip (which I am sure you will have)!!

  16. That Girl permalink
    October 3, 2011 4:57 PM

    Perhaps I am jealous that you are enjoying ZA in the summer. Eat all the things.

    Take everything I say with a smirk.

  17. October 3, 2011 5:08 PM

    So. Much. Love. For. This.

  18. October 3, 2011 5:54 PM

    You are so lucky! If you ever make your way to Chicagoland, I’ll take you to lunch! And for a pedicure. I’d give you one myself, but I did was really bad job on myself and my big toes hurt. But they look good…

    Happy trails to you, dear blogging friend!
    xo Susie

  19. October 3, 2011 11:11 PM

    I would leave a comment but I’m too fucking jealous so satisfy your comment-hunger.
    Fuck, now you’re continent hopping and I”m not AND you got your damn comment.
    Well at least I can take comfort in the sunburn you’ll be sporting post-South Africa my pale skinned friend.
    because I”m a bitch like that.

  20. October 4, 2011 10:15 AM

    We have so much in common!

    You get to travel the world while your sweet kitties wait patiently for you to come home; I am stuck at home with two bratty kids who are trying to drive me away (or insane).

    You have lovely friends who show you they care with gifts and support; I haven’t heard from my so-called bff for months (I’m just assuming she’s dead).

    You have your blog post performed in NYC; I have a blog that nobody reads & I’ve been to NYC twice and didn’t even get to see a live performance (unless you count the weird guy who claimed to be a healer).

    Ok, that last one might be partly my fault. Also, contrary to what the tone of this comment might imply, I’m not in the least a bitter, jealous, sad woman.

    Have a great trip & don’t forget all the little people when your blog hits Broadway!

  21. October 4, 2011 7:23 PM

    Deeply wounded sadness that your continent hopping excludes Australia. South Africa is so close! Only a 20 500 hour flight away! Nevertheless, mazel tov on your staged blogologue and enjoy your travels.

  22. October 4, 2011 9:18 PM

    That is AWESOME!!! And….get yourself a saffa while you’re in ZA. 🙂

  23. October 4, 2011 9:26 PM

    I love you.

    You deserve all of the happiness in the world. [Except for that one hunk I’m keeping for myself. I am very selfish.]

    Enjoy your trip. I”m not at all jealous.

  24. October 5, 2011 2:06 PM

    I loved the “cat paraphenlia” photo — mostly because I have a cat problem too. And the video was awesome!

  25. October 5, 2011 2:22 PM

    this post made me happy.online writer communities blow my mind. last night i met the very laurenne you stayed with at a show she did in Venice. turns out we know a lot of the same people. meeting her was truly amazing, and knowing there’s someone in this dirty ol’town who gets it, helps.

    though you’re 3,000 miles away, you continue to inspire me with your writing and your journey. congrats on getting your blog selected! i’m pretty sure they’ll pick more – how could they not? you’re brilliant. xo simone

  26. October 5, 2011 3:11 PM

    What a great video! Congratulations.

    Oh, and I want to clear something up — I don’t hate you because your cats are cuter than mine; I hate you because your cat pictures are cuter than mine.

  27. October 5, 2011 3:59 PM

    This post reminded me that the last time someone asked me the infamous ‘If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?’ question, I responded (without thinking), ‘I would go to the Florida Keys to visit Hemingway’s house because they have these cats there that are called polydactyl cats because they have six toes and they’re so cute…’

  28. October 6, 2011 5:12 PM

    Have fun. That’s such an awesome way to celebrate your birthday!

    Oh and I’ve seen the 6 toed Hemmingway cats and they are AMAZING.

  29. October 7, 2011 8:12 PM

    Your work being produced on the stage? In NYC? A gorgeous cat? What are you bitching about? I may live on the opposite coast but I will come out there and smack you.

    Congrtulations- on both the literary news and the cat!

    • October 19, 2011 9:48 PM

      I think this is one of the few posts in which I complain about nothing. Very out of character for me.

  30. October 11, 2011 3:12 PM

    That is AMAZING!!! Which part? All of it!!
    Have a super happy birthday and a kickass time traveling the world!!! Bring up lots of cat souvenirs.
    Wait. Who’s watching Teva and Isabel? Are they going to?

  31. Tan permalink
    October 11, 2011 11:17 PM

    Surely it’s not too far to nip over to Australia, whilst you’re in the Southern Hemisphere? I’m pretty sure we have masses of bad-taste cat paraphernalia & lots of hot babes (possibly due to the weather, or post-menopausal flashes, but let’s not get bogged down in details).
    I don’t know if the South African sun beams through a massive hole in the ozone layer like it does here, but just in case, pack some SPF 30+ sunscreen (but not one with nano particles, which can apparently be absorbed by the skin and go awol) and a hat, long sleeves….oh look, a burqa may not be such a bad idea – that way you won’t have to worry about remembering to pack your razor in your checked luggage, shaving legs/underarms, etc.
    BTW, loved the vid of your blog, and nearly clicked on the “Up Next” YouTube video- “How to shave your pussy” -oops!

  32. October 12, 2011 6:07 PM

    Hearing your post read out loud really makes the excellent writing stand out. Can’t wait to hear about your globe-trotting adventures!

  33. October 18, 2011 10:38 AM

    Wait, you’re coming here?!? Or are you here already?!? Jessicat! I’m RIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN! I HAVE TO MEET YOU!

  34. iampisspot permalink
    October 18, 2011 11:25 AM

    You are just awesome.

    That is all.

  35. October 20, 2011 1:05 PM

    Love, love, love that your “post” went Off Broadway! Can’t wait to read about this adventure you are on. This Bostonian is jealous!

  36. October 24, 2011 12:26 PM

    hah! that video is faaaaaabulous! i’m trying not to smile b/c i noticed i have “parentheses” all the sudden but hell, i can’t help it, i’m smiling anyway 😉

    hey have a great time abroad. also i hope you meet a *broad*. heh.

    also i am BACK and blogging again. also we think we’re coming to baaaaston so maybe let’s meet up and talk shop? and by “talk shop” i mean girls and jewish moms. also blogging. but mostly chicks.

  37. October 25, 2011 4:31 AM

    I’ve been away for too long, and I’ve missed all this! When are you coming to England for afternoon tea?

  38. October 29, 2011 7:31 PM

    Holy sh*t! Ok, so at the risk of sounding like a slightly pastier version of Single White Female, as I was reading this I could actually feel myself getting more and more excited. By the time I got to the pic of you, Nursie and Daisyfae (all of you gorgeous, btw!) , I was already planning out the itinerary for your next post turned show, the one where I fly down and we meet and then you show me around New York and I ask you to take me to the store that Julia Roberts was kicked out of in the movie Pretty Woman and you say that wasn’t New York it was L.A. and I say what’s the diff and we have words but then we make up and go see the onstage awesomeness**!!!

    But then I saw Teva, and I started laughing so hard that I had a mild seizure and totally forgot what the plan was.

    **As you can probably tell by the above comment, I just had a redbull. Straight. Not even an ice cube. Because I’m hard core that way.

  39. Carolspy permalink
    November 2, 2011 10:45 PM

    I wish I could have been at the show for reals and not just in spirit – but this video helps me pretend. I love it and know it’s just the beginning of amazing things for you!

  40. November 8, 2011 10:17 PM

    Omg…SO COOL. So so so cool. I am so proud of you and happy for you!

    Screw having the life aspirations of making a lot of money, having a hot boyfriend and owning my own bar. I now know what I want to work towards: getting my blog on Blogologues! 🙂

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