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In the words of Liz Lemon, “blerg” and “nerds”

February 24, 2012

Conversation over Gchat, which apparently isn’t really Gchat, with my friend Dana:

Me: I’ve been having really weird dreams for the past week.

Dana: Are they realistic dreams? Or not so much?

Me: Actually, they’ve been an odd mix of dead grandparents and sex.

Me: Not together.

Dana: Grateful for small mercies.

Me: Ugh. I just realized it’s been a year since I got dumped.

Dana: Oy. I’m sorry.

Me: Time. It flies.

Dana: At least it’s flying away from the girl who dumped you.

Me: Yes, but unfortunately not flying toward anyone else.

Me: Except in my dreams.

Me: The ones not about my dead grandparents.

Me: To be clear.

Dana: You are; you just don’t know who yet.

Me: Meh. Julie Andrews isn’t even interested in me.

Me: Even though she’s totally single now.

Me: Because her husband died.

Dana: I vote for finding someone younger.

Me: Meh. Meh is all I have to say.

Dana: Someday, my friend.

Me: Blah.

Me: Oh, I can also say blah.

Dana: But do you harrumph?

Me: Not really, but I can cough up a heart sigh for emphasis.

Dana: A heart sigh?

Me: An apropos typo, but I meant “hearty.” Like stew.

Dana: You’re funny.

Me: Uh huh.

Me: (Apparently, I can type to you only in grunty words.)

Dana: Bah.

Me: Argh.

Dana: Grar.

Me: Moo.

Dana: Hrm?

Me: I was trying to transition us to animal sounds.

Dana: Quack.

Me: Meow.

Me: … is the sound my life partners make.

Dana: I suppose it would be inappropriate to say mrow.

Me: Ruh-roh.

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37 Comments leave one →
  1. February 24, 2012 5:05 AM

    I was personally fond of the “Grar.”

  2. February 24, 2012 6:06 AM

    I think you’ve just ruined stew for me. From now on, whenever anyone describes a stew as “hearty”, I’m going to wonder whether that means it contains cut-up pieces of heart.

  3. February 24, 2012 6:37 AM

    Heart and Food combined together make me think of Dr Buckland, who supposedly ate the heart of dead French King. my brain moves in funny ways…..

    • Rebekah Holmes permalink
      February 24, 2012 1:07 PM

      Hearty now reminds me of sexy dead grandparents.

    • Jessica permalink
      February 24, 2012 1:24 PM

      Yeah I linked above to Boccaccio’s 9th story of the 4th day of his Decameron, where Guillaume de Roussillon causes his wife to eat the heart of her lover, whom he has secretly murdered. Ah, World lit. You have increased us all.

  4. February 24, 2012 8:07 AM

    i prefer “bleurrrrrgh”. the number of “r’s” is an indicator of the degree of angst.

  5. February 24, 2012 10:34 AM

    Whenever you come back, I realized just how much I’d been missing you. (Oh, the tenses in that thought… Also, I can’t believe it’s been a year, it doesn’t seem like that long ago!

    (I’m just quite cheery today, you can tell.)

    Also, I’m kinda sorta dating a boy who has cats.

    It seemed like something to share.

  6. February 24, 2012 12:08 PM

    I’m a Hhmph person, myself.

  7. February 24, 2012 12:29 PM

    dead grandparents… sex… julie andrews….

    I think it’s pretty clear: you want Julie Andrews to have sex with your grandparents.

  8. February 24, 2012 12:44 PM

    According to Google, “Grar” isn’t a word either. Facists.

  9. Jessica permalink
    February 24, 2012 1:25 PM

    You sound like my girlfriend with her dreams.Except she’s not single. She just thinks she is. Gah, I’m lonely.

  10. February 24, 2012 3:05 PM

    Ok, please explain why WE are not Gchatting? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU AND YOUR VAMPIRE WORK HOURS?

    I am also quite adept at making random noises. Also, saying stuff like, “Go get that thing” and expecting people to know what I mean.

    I may be your grandparent.

  11. February 24, 2012 3:27 PM

    i think this post proves that i’m an even bigger dork than i’d realized.
    and that’s saying a lot.

    i almost sent you this the other night when we were harrumphing and grar-ing, but i didn’t. so the time is now.
    http://www.collegehumor.com/upick/6694928/text-puns
    they totally win at beating a theme to a clever, entertaining death.

  12. February 24, 2012 7:32 PM

    I’m so disappointed in you. How could you forget “Gorp” and “Mmph”!

    And, also, I’m a pathetic excuse for someone who lives in the 21st century because I was all “what is Gchat? Is it some sort of stew or special kind of bread? Then I finally I got it. And I’ve decided everyone needs to just stick to using the damn telephone or the quill and papyrus with pigeon messengers.

  13. Tershbango permalink
    February 24, 2012 9:22 PM

    I’ve so been there. But with much more vodka. XO

  14. February 25, 2012 10:34 AM

    I was thinking about how someone might comment on how when you truly love yourself and are not focused on it, love will happen, and then I thought back to when I found love: I had given up on love (that part was true), but I was also working a full-time job, two part-time jobs, taking two summer classes, and was addicted to Diet Coke and Slim Fast (and seriously only survived on the two). Then I found love. TA-DA! Magic recipe! So, just go ahead and add some Diet Coke and Slim Fast to your life (I highly recommend the dark chocolate flavor), and soon Julie Andrews will be running into your arms. Trust.

    • February 25, 2012 2:41 PM

      This is the best advice anyone has ever given me. This whole time I’ve been addicted to Fat Slow, but at you’re urging, I’m going to switch to Slim Fast. *fingers crossed*

      • February 29, 2012 2:13 PM

        And throw out the Coke Diet, too. WORTHLESS!

  15. February 26, 2012 12:12 AM

    I’m trying to cough up a heart sigh for you, too, but mostly we just cough up hairballs around this joint. I hope that’s good enough. Sorry.

  16. Lori permalink
    February 26, 2012 12:49 AM

    Mrrp.

    Topaz and Nimbus often say Mrrp.

    Don’t leave that one out next time.

  17. February 26, 2012 9:55 AM

    I’m more of a bah humbug type myself. Although I do actually, on occassion, hurrumph. And then I do this weird horse lip thing that freaks folk out. At least they leave me alone then. Yes.

  18. February 26, 2012 1:37 PM

    It’s been A YEAR!? Already? I think you should celebrate by going out and sleeping with the first person you see. It’ll be fun! I’ll do it too. For your sake. And then we’ll say ‘ooooh,’ ‘aah,’ and the like.

    Eh?
    eh?

  19. February 26, 2012 8:34 PM

    I love this conversation! It makes me love you both. I’m fond of “Aargh!” for some reason. I think I’m more of a hysteric than you guys.

  20. February 27, 2012 2:46 AM

    I am partial to ‘bleargh’ — a combination of blah, meh and argh. A confusing mix of feelings. Gotto keep them guessing you know (since I lack lack of clarity in my life, as it were). That paranthetical is mighty confusing, is it not ?

    Mission accomplished. My work here is done. 🙂

  21. February 27, 2012 3:02 PM

    Meow. That is all.

  22. February 28, 2012 11:32 AM

    I’m a fan of ‘meh’, ‘hmmm’, ‘gah!’ and ‘pfffffffffffffft’

    We should Gchat some time, and make some kind of experimental noise/text poem.

  23. February 28, 2012 1:28 PM

    I’m REALLY going to enjoy following you!!

  24. February 29, 2012 11:22 PM

    I’m cry-laughing…

    (Laughing because, well obviously this is the best conversation ever. Crying because I wasn’t the one you were Roh-roh’ing on not really Gchat.)

  25. March 1, 2012 11:46 AM

    “meh” is overused. and i’d like to see more “rawr” from you, frankly.

  26. March 1, 2012 10:50 PM

    I think you may have just written a screenplay. Genius.

  27. March 21, 2012 1:37 AM

    Honestly I haven’t laughed like this in awhile. Dead grandparents and sex but thankfully not together. ROFL. Thank you for giving me back my laughter!!!

  28. May 19, 2012 4:59 PM

    I personally like “blergh” “argh” and “nha”.

    funny conversation, it made me laugh here! not the kind where you write “lol” while keeping a serious face. really laughing out loud. 😀

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