Skip to content

Blogologues is like my third cat. But less furry. Like a creepy hairless Sphynx that always looks pissed. I mean that as a compliment.

May 14, 2012

A few stormy Sundays ago when my clock/radio went off at the crack of 2 p.m. because I didn’t want to waste the day, I was roused by the old-timey tune “Singin’ in the Rain.” Startled, Isabel rolled off the bed and tumbled to the floor. Rushing to her aid, I scooped Isabel up in my arms, tossed her over my shoulder and started singing and swaying along to Gene Kelly‘s serenade:

“I’m singing in the rain /Just singing in the rain / What a glorious feelin’ / I’m happy again.”

It wasn’t until the second time that I spun around and dipped my very tolerant 14-pound cat while gliding across my living room’s slick hardwood floors in my pajamas that I realized: I’m happy again.

It’s been kind of a weird few years of being at a crossroads geographically and professionally, failing spectacularly at online dating and spending a lot of time in solitude. Not that I’d been unhappy, per se. But subtracting the negative “un,” there’s really no prefix that I could add to make the word “happy” more positively describe how I’d felt. “Anti-happy” would give the impression that I’m a happiness hater. “Post-happy” sounds as if it would spew forth from underneath an ironically mustachioed lip of a douchey hipster who’s so over happiness. And “be-happy” is what Bobby McFerrin told us to do in the ’80s.

On this particular Sunday, I knew I’d soon be heading back to New York City to visit my new pals, the cast and crew of Blogologues. About nine months prior, I received an email out of the blue from ladies who ‘logue Alli Goldberg and Jen Jamula of Lively Productions, who had stumbled upon my blog through interweb magic and were seeking permission to stage one of my blog posts in their comedy show featuring material culled from the web and performed verbatim. I was sure it was just a one-time thing. But it has happened four times now, which means it’s probably not a fluke. It is the opposite of fluke. Flipper, I think.

If left to my own devices, I’ll sit in the back row, lurk in dark corners and sulk into my beer. I’m a people person. But these two social butterflies push me out of my crabby hermit shell. They introduce me to their friends and save a seat for me at the bar and have given me an open invitation to crash on their couches that they’ve probably already realized is a terrible mistake because I’m there all. the. time. Suckers.

In the most recent run of Blogologues, I traveled to New York City twice to lend a hand with publicity and folding programs and offering moral support when the projector decided to not project. By month’s end, I’d seen the show five times. Seriously, you’d think I was sleeping with one of the actors. Which is why I’ve asked Alli and Jen to cast a blond, 30-something lesbian who looks like a young Julie Andrews next time. I have the show’s best interest at heart. And by “the show” I mean “my vagina.”

(Related: I want to adopt a daschund and name her Fraulein.)

I saw the si-i-gn. (Sorry.)

The sort of happiness I’ve been feeling lately usually corresponds only with those rare, fleeting moments when I’m in love. It’s odd, then, that this wave of felicity has nothing to do with romance. Or sex. Or Keri Russell. I haven’t even kissed someone in six months, three weeks and five days — but who’s keeping track? I am keeping track. I’ve been leading such a chaste existence that I’m strongly considering starting a petition to legalize human-cat weddings. Now that President Obama has come out in support of same-sex marriage, conservatives say that people marrying animals is the next logical step. They’re absolutely right. The tides are turning.

But I can’t help but think that none of this would have ever happened if I hadn’t suffered a series of heartbreaks and started blogging to share my bizarre stories when I’d never felt more invisible and unheard. I’m not saying everything happens for a reason — I do not for one second buy into that namaste nonsensebut everything happens. We can drown in our sadness or say fuck it, let’s go swimming. Metaphorically. I don’t actually swim. Body issues.

I may not have found a partner yet, but Alli and Jen, to whom I affectionately refer as my “straight girlfriends,” found me. And it’s been wonderful to have new purpose, to be part of something I’m really proud of, and to be in a “we” again. It wasn’t the sort of love I’d been searching for online, but it is really, really awesome. Suck it, internet dating.

That last paragraph? It’s partly plagiarized from my bio on the Lively Productions web site. A few months ago, Alli and Jen made our relationship official and asked me to join their team. And that makes me super-happy.

P.S. Someone interviewed me about blogging and Blogologues. I’m just as surprised as you are.

P.P.S. Here’s a clip of the adorable Wendy Joy as me, Alli Goldberg as my mom, Jen Jamula, Dave Thomas Brown and Matthew Cox in my post about Passover and Easter from “Blogologues: Younger Than Springtime”:

30 Comments leave one →
  1. Josh permalink
    May 14, 2012 3:34 AM

    Canada guy here; you’re still hot as hell

  2. May 14, 2012 3:52 AM

    It’s great that you can be happy and still be true to the name of your blog. You’ll need to be careful about that petition, though — if you don’t specify polygamous human-cat marriage, you’ll eventually have to choose one cat to marry, which could really mess up your family dynamics.

  3. iampisspot permalink
    May 14, 2012 5:31 AM

    I just adore you.

    I really do.

  4. May 14, 2012 6:45 AM

    love the interview. and the photo. i also love that I travelled half way round the world to meet you last year and we had so much fun together (even though we both seemed to do a lot of sleeping. or was that just me?). Perhaps you were playing with the stuffed puffin while i was snoring.

  5. May 14, 2012 9:09 AM

    Can you make a “fuck it, let’s go swimming” tee shirt on Cafepress. And also convince Cafepress to carry “plus sized” shirts that actually cover not only my boobs, but my post marriage/baby tummy? Stupid internet print-on-demand company for stick insects…

    Oh, and congratulations and stuff ;). I love to read happiness in your words.

    • May 15, 2012 1:07 AM

      I have a post-marriage/baby tummy, too. Odd, though, because I have never been married or had a baby. I guess some of us are just born lucky.

  6. May 14, 2012 9:43 AM

    I love this post! Congrats on all your success and happiness 😀

  7. tlkaply permalink
    May 14, 2012 11:54 AM

    This is probably a healthier relationship for you, anyway. And it gets you out of the house, which I am told is a good thing. I point the finger of scoff at that outside stuff, myself.

  8. May 14, 2012 1:06 PM

    Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!! This is the best. I liked the staff joke. It deserved way more laughs!!

  9. May 14, 2012 1:09 PM

    I loved reading this. I love hearing about you being happy, and just think: when Julie Andrews DOES show up, she will find a happy lady to sweep off her feet. 🙂

  10. May 14, 2012 1:38 PM

    Seems to me you’re heading on the right direction. I’m super duper happy for your happiess.
    Yes online dating sucks very much and the kind of love you’ve stumbled upon is great in so many ways 🙂

    Keep up the Metaphorical swimming in this vast ocean.

  11. May 14, 2012 4:00 PM

    wait, did you actually make a joke about getting a DOG?

  12. May 14, 2012 10:00 PM

    so WONDERFUL to see (read) that you’re finding a groove! and i think i’m going to have to get back to NYC one of these days to see the Blogologues…

  13. May 14, 2012 10:10 PM

    aw, reading this makes me all teary and ferklempt. verklempt? whatever. with happiness, that is. and thanks for posting the video, so much fun to watch! and hear! weird! i mean, in a good way! 🙂

  14. May 15, 2012 2:36 AM

    Yep, still jealous.
    How about dis-happy? Or irr-happy?

  15. thesuniverse permalink
    May 15, 2012 9:28 AM

    See? You make the world sing.


  16. May 15, 2012 4:05 PM

    As my mother cheerfully quips every time I suffer some misfortune: “It’s all writing material!” And it’s hard to argue. What would I do if everything went my way? I wouldn’t be writing that’s for effing sure.

  17. May 15, 2012 4:40 PM

    Blogologues was a hilarious blast — kinda like the image of you cat dancing in your jammies.

  18. May 16, 2012 9:54 AM

    Congratulations! I’m so pleased you feel happy and that you discovered this by singing. That’s why I bellow my way through Africa by Toto every single day, and I feel amazing. And my neighbours love me.

    Seriously though, many congratulations – I’m happy that you’re happy 🙂 xx

  19. May 16, 2012 10:46 PM

  20. May 17, 2012 12:50 PM

    Gene Kelly is amazing!

    that was real talent, not some of the “things” we have in the media nowadays.

    proof of his awesomeness:

  21. May 17, 2012 10:24 PM

    Oh girl, [exaggerated hand pop] let me tell you about online dating! Sorry, I guess I’ve been spending way too much time with my gaysian. Seriously though, I am so happy for you! Life can be rough sometimes, believe me I know, but you just keep going! That’s what makes you special! Well, that and you extraordinary sense of humor. 🙂

    Princess WeeWee

  22. May 18, 2012 6:17 AM

    Woooohooooo!!! Am really chuffed (is that a real word…) for you! So great to read that you are in happy. The show seems to rock (and your kittehs being swirled around).

  23. May 18, 2012 9:46 PM

    Hooray! And I count a full day as waking before 5 and two meals before 11 p.m. As soon as my new cat stops hating my old cat I’ll be living in perfect polycatery.

  24. May 20, 2012 10:29 PM

    I’m conflicted. Part of me is ecstatic that you’re finally earning the recognition you deserve for being the best writer/cat lover/Julie Andrews fanatic/jewish lesbian on the face of the earth.

    But part of me doesn’t like this one bit. Mostly the part about you having two straight girlfriends.

    Be honest. Is it because I’m not straight enough? Or Canadian? Or that I set up my discman to play Bobby McFerrin on auto-repeat?

    • May 20, 2012 11:26 PM

      Oh. Becky. It’s not you, it’s me.

      I always just assumed I wasn’t red-headed enough for you.

  25. surftwin permalink
    May 21, 2012 4:58 PM

    This line…

    We can drown in our sadness or say fuck it, let’s go swimming.

    Made me think of these lyrics…

    …I wanna be like water if I can
    ‘Cause water doesn’t give a damn

  26. June 2, 2012 10:26 AM

    Let me know if Blogologues ever comes to Boston.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: